It’s Senior Spring, also known as “stupor,” “fog,” and “oh hey do you have a job yet?” Before you auction off your binder of Pokemon cards, consider being cryogenically frozen until the job market improves, as this article from The Onion suggests.
If you are actually a senior, that is probably too many words for you…so here are the highlights:
“Graduates will never be more primed to enter the workplace than at the exuberant moment they toss their caps in the air,” said Reardon, who claimed that cryogenics was the only hope for an estimated two-thirds of the nation’s students. “Wait even two days, and a graduate’s brain will begin to show the effects of fretting about the dismal job market. Wait six months, and you might have a permanently cynical underachiever resigned to his position at a mall sunglasses kiosk.”
“Let’s say there’s some sort of environmental crisis,” Schumer said. “Well, we could selectively thaw students who majored in ecology or climatology and provide them with jobs. The same logic would apply if, say, 300 years from now a real-world application for people with philosophy degrees somehow arose.”
When reached for comment, a spokesman for loan provider Sallie Mae said that educational loans taken out by graduates in cryogenic storage would continue to accrue interest indefinitely at 6.5 percent.