“To observe is not to have. To observe is to watch is to remark is to perceive is to notice is to remember and to keep, but you will never have any of this ever again.”
And so, we bring you the tragicomical “Things You Will Never Get Back (from the ‘Cac.)”
The sweatshirt you wore to a party last month.
The first– and only– time you revisited your freshman dorm. Smelling that familiar smell made you ask yourself, “Was I happier then?” You didn’t want to answer the question so you never went back.
The Spring break that you visited your best friends at their schools. The food wasn’t as bad as you thought it would be, the people were all really cool… but still you were relieved to find that nowhere else felt quite right to you.
$53,000 times 4
The last paper you wrote freshman year. You were so congested that everything was foggy. The paper was on Kerouac and Ginsberg and you referenced Bob Dylan and Johnny Cash. The kid that lived next door was playing “Puff the Magic Dragon” on a recorder. You wondered if you were losing your mind.
Every time you debated leaving the library so that you could poop in your own apartment.
The first time you slept over. You woke up before they did. The shades were up and the sun was streaming through the windows and across the bed. When they woke up you were reading a rough draft of their “Paradise Lost” paper that was on the desk next to you. You will forever associate Milton with those moments.
The restless weeks before your summer job started. You unearthed your old high school sneakers– they were extremely pliant but your feet weren’t used to them anymore and they burned a blister on the inside of each ankle. When you got back to the Stop sign at the end of your street you took them off to walk home. Your neighbor told you to watch out for glass, but you were avoiding caterpillars.
Later you would check out Casablanca from the local library and watch it by yourself at 2 in the morning.