Maybe it’s just because we’re used to the narrative tone of El Prez, but kmarko on BarStool U just rubs us the wrong way. Clearly, we have no problem being rubbed in the right way by most of the Stool’s pork rind and beernuts sense of humor, but when we read stuff like the following we can’t help but say “Kkkkk Markoooo” in our most patronizing tone:
“I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if this is like a common play drawn up in the huddle of a lax game. Like hey preppy rich white kid #1. You take the ball to the top of the key. Preppy rich white kid #2: you hit the defender in the nuts with your stick when he’s not looking. Try and knock his dick clean off. Score. Walk away like nothing happened and you’re just the awesome athlete you think you are. Then we’ll all meet up at my dad’s house after and slug Sam Summers and talk about how many slampigs we fucked when they passed out from the Xanax punch at the frat party. Ready break!” – kmarko
Listen Son, you just took a perfectly good bowl of communal popcorn and dug in with your scratching hand. Picking on preppy white laxers? Completely unoriginal. We would say pump our gas, but we’re not going to stoop to that level. Instead we will comment on the aspects of this video that you apparently missed.
First of all, the ref leading #2 away at the end of the video walks like a Pomeranian, but that’s beside the point.
Second of all, nut- whacker was CLEARLY improvising. The Captain talks strategy in the huddle, and this is what the players are thinking:
“Gotta step it up, my cleat is untied”
“Gotta step it up, grandma’s here”
“Gotta step it up, I’m low on electrolytes”
It’s not that their heads aren’t in the game, but heads can be in multiple places at the same time, that’s not a female thing, it’s liberal arts at its finest. Nut- whacking is something that happens in the heat of the moment, and never with the intent to maim. It’s just an unpremeditated “Hey! Move out of the way! You’re a politically incorrect term!” delivered without a second thought. Some laxers nut- whack in their sleep. This guy didn’t walk away propelled by ego, he probably didn’t even realize he did it.
Oh was that me? I’m sorry…
As for the tepid description of the after party, puhlease. Slampigs? Xanax? What is this CSI Miami? All you got is a friendly gathering of bros and bras who may or may not want to Pabst it up, and then take off their clothes. Not necessarily in that order. Why you had to bring fat chicks and prescription drugs into the whole ordeal is beyond us…