We we so excited

Why, you ask?

A picture is worth a thousand words:

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! Do you know what this means? Someone without the balls, creativity, or swag to bust a simple move or spit a simple “Hey, teach me how to dougie?” thinks we’re cute. And to this we say SO WHAT. tellittomyface

Because here’s the thing: in our book, the lamest line is better than no line. Seriously. “Can you show me where the dance floor is?” trumps chirping crickets any day.

AddSeven is the blow- up doll of hook- up culture, and as Will Ferrell’s tears fall from your wall and onto your unshaven face let us explain the fundamental problem with AddSeven…

AddSeven works as long as you don’t make a match. What?! You say. Isn’t that the whole point? Technically, yes. But imagine gutless person number one recieving an e-mail telling them that gutless person number two would like to get to know their gutless body. WHAT NOW?

You couldn’t even do a slightly aggressive slide- by last Friday night and now you have to make big life choices like

“your place or mine?”

“Music or football game in the background?”

“Co-ed Christmas lights on or off?”

And don’t even get us started on consent.

Paralyzing, utterly paralyzing– and likely much more than these poor timid souls can bear. Luckily, JCM (John Cougar Mellancamp) wrote a little ditty about this exact conundrumelius. And we’ll recite it for you now…

Little ditty about Jack and Diane
Two NESCAC kids with a crush on their hands
Jackie’s mom thinks he’s a DIII star
Diane likes to puke in the back of the Security car

Noticing each other, they both start to wheeze
Diane decides to take a lap
To see if Jackie needs to tweeze
Jackie thinks, hey Diane lets run off
Behind a shady tree
You can touch my uni-brow
Let me do what I please
Diane thinks

Oh yeah life goes on
Long after the concept of courtship is gone
Oh yeah life goes on
Long after the social risk is long gone

Jackie sits back collects his thoughts for a moment
Scratches his balls and does his Fat Joe lean

“Well you know Diane probably uses AddSeven

Strike up a cyber romance; I won’t be missing a thing…”

Jackie thinks

Oh yeah life goes on
Long after witty conversation is gone
Oh yeah life goes on                                                                    
Long after the art of the pick- up is gone

Gonna type it out
Booty’s my goal
Let technology save me from
Baring my Soul
Soak up the hook- up scene as long as I can
Changes coming round real soon
Make us women and men

Little ditty about Jack and Diane
Two NESCAC kids with a crush on their hands

We have to say, Middlebury got it right with their “crush list.” The magic combination of peacocking while still keeping rejection at arm’s length.

Check it out.

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