Last month the Tufts Daily saluted the 90’s– a decade near and dear to our hearts. Today we have a special treat for you, but first an introduction:
Once upon a time, when Land Before Time still roamed our television screens and Kate Winslet’s breasts were the talk of the lunch table a generation waxed strong. As firm in their convictions as Britney Spears’ bum in that red pleather jumpsuit, they frolicked in their loin cloths, the kindred spirits of the Recess kindergarten crew.
Stoop kids were shoved aside as Bop- it and Skip- it refined young peoples’ ability to make fast jerking motions. This would later come in handy in the press of free 98 Degrees concerts along the Charles River, where they would share their first Blow Pop and softly whisper to the girl in the jellies and bucket hat “how many licks?”
Yes those were the days my friend. We thought they’d never end. But like our favorite Aqua CD they got scratched and discarded, only to be unearthed by Kenneth Starr and his vast conspiracy to take our roll-on Smackers body glitter and enroll us in the new millenium. Screw you Ken Starr, and all you stand for. We want our 2% meat lunchables pepperoni back, and we want it now SIR.