Bandwagon problems

As if the burden of pretending I’m crushed about Shaq’s retirement isn’t enough, I’ve had that old Aaron Carter song stuck in my head for dayyysss.

The first comment under his video on YouTube is a total kick:

And I thought, if being “Carter Rolled” is the new thing, being ‘Cac rolled should be an even newer thing. And that’s how “That’s How I Beat Shaq” became “That’s How to be ‘Cac.” Which is why, my fellow ‘Cacizens,  we put the G in #swag.

“Yo guys, check it out

Guess what happened to me

(Another crazy story, in the C-A-C)

I was hanging on the quad

Just tossin a ball

Working on my game

(Yeah, polo and all)

I heard the ladies screaming

I thought it was for me

But then I saw a guy

In a Princeton tee

It was the DI deal

(What? What did he say?)

(How ’bout some one-on-one, break out the croquet?)

I told him why not, I got some time

But when I beat you real bad

Try not to cry

(Please ‘Cac, are you for real?)

(One-on-one with DI’s a really big deal)

Yeah, a club lax player from the Princeton Tigers

(You must’ve been nervous)

I knew I could take him

Stared’ at his Madras just to freak him out

I said BFD, you’re in my house now

Swing your mallet when the whistle blows

Pay attention close ’cause the story goes…


It’s like boom (boom)

I put through the wicket

Like slam (slam)

I heard my bros screaming

out jam (jam)

I swear that I’m telling you the facts

Cuz that’s how to be ‘Cac


So check it out

I thought I had the lead

But then he started scoring mad points on me

We were playing Golf style

He wasn’t missing a shot

I knew that there was a way that I could make it stop

I had a plan, that I could change the pace

I said, ‘Cac’s a superior intellectual race

He looked confused, I hit the ball

I’m taking him to school now, watch me all

Khaki chino swag, the best you ever met

Come on Tiger, had enough of ‘Cac yet?

Behind by two wickets, I’m catching up

I guess you’re getting nervous

Cuz you already lost


Hit after hit

 Ball like a puck

The whole ‘Cac’s cheering

We’ll #nevergrowup


His cronies were shocked

Couldn’t believe it was real

(I can’t believe the ‘Cac just stuffed a DI deal)

One more wicket, was all that remained

I tapped the ball like a keg

I put him to shame

I must admit that it sounds real crazy

but the ball went in

And I cried like a baby


I’m a sensitive man

You smell like Ivy

But we can still be friends

The fans went nuts

They put me on their shoulders

Then I heard a voice

It sounded like Arnold Palmer’s*

(Stop gloating fool, don’t take the bait!)

Arnold, can’t you see that I just won a game?

(How could you let croquet go to your head?)

(Success is standard when you’re NESCAC bred!)

Aw, man it was just another day

Winning #inthecac is child’s play

If it was standard fare, with no new appeal…

How’d I get a shirt that says “KINDA A BIG DEAL?”



*Arnold Palmer went to Wake Forest by accident. Nobody’s perfect.

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