Why the hamster ball was a lie: the Jak Knelman story


Ok, I’ll admit it, I kind of shit on Jak Knelman the first time I wrote up his story. However, as wagons roll into Burlington loaded with cheese and spectators for what will clearly be our generation’s Scopes Monkey Trial I cannot help but feel some pity for the guy…

Midd blog has all of the official details about the case, including the school’s legal response to Jak’s accusations.

I made a valiant effort to try and get through the whole thing but when I reached the following excerpt suddenly a particle of dust flew in my eye causing water to slowly trickle down my face:

KNELMAN COMPLAINT: Knelman told Middlebury coaching staff that he was interested in improving his hockey skills and pursuing a professional hockey career following college. The Middlebury coaching staff assured Knelman that Middlebury was committed to proactively assisting student athletes in seeking positions on professional hockey teams.

MIDDLEBURY/BEANEY ANSWER: Admitted that Middlebury College was and is committed to assisting its hockey players pursue their talents as hockey players. Defendants deny, however, any implication that Plaintiff was promised or otherwise assured that his participation on the Middlebury College hockey team would guarantee him an opportunity to play professional hockey and deny any implication that Defendants led Plaintiff to believe that he possessed the talent and ability to play professional hockey. Defendants deny the rest and remainder of the allegations stated at Paragraph 16.

I may not think highly of the use of the court system to solve every single dispute in society. People suing other people in the same manner that Kim Kardashian compiles her gift registry need to be taken down a notch. However, I believe in THE DREAM. It’s THE DREAM that gets us through. And Jak has just as much a right to THE DREAM as Seabiscuit, and Radio, and Air Bud, and all the other protagonists of classic sporting movies.

Jak was merely a kitten who thought he found a nice ball. He thought that Middlebury believed in him and believed in THE DREAM. And now Jak feels more like a Jill–  stuck in a hamster ball in a state that threatens to secede every Wednesday and hasn’t brushed its teeth since the events of Miracle.

Jeeves, get me my hankie.

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