“…well she doesn’t have a facebook so there’s a 100% chance that she’s either too indy for words or a complete alien”

“its basically just black people and awesome people on twitter, plus you can tweet at sick famous people”

“yeah I met him today and fb stalked him when I got home, he seems pretty normal…”

“I just saw my tweet on SportsCenter. It was like being elected president, except everyone who voted for me is the fucking man”

First off, let me say that if you don’t have a twitter yet, don’t fucking get one.  Twitter is cool because it’s exclusive: all the nerds who post their feelings in songs and statuses on facebook don’t have one yet.  Facebook’s appeal speaks for itself.  Everyone has one.  You can find anyone who matters, stalk their pics, judge their shit, and make educated decisions about potential future social interactions.  But with this availability and accessibility comes overexposure, intentional or otherwise.  I’m not that sorry, but I could count the people who care about your obsession with cupcakes and old Radiohead albums on the fingers and toes of my dead goldfish.  I go on facebook bored and comfortable; I leave pissed off and dirty.  I go on twitter bored and tired; I leave with a succinct nugget of information, primed for distribution.  What’s that? Bodymore crew is headed to philly to see @avicii? Hardcore #FOMO.  Oh neat your new status update has just informed me that  you “T0t3Z ❤ NYC!!”  Cool well while you’re doing that I’m gonna go ahead and add you to the list of Rutgers drop-outs informally and officially and banned from any ‘Cac campus… ever.

So if you are a closet fb whore, more power to you, as long as you maintain a small fb footprint.  Stalk on, flipping photo after photo, scrolling status after status.  But if you like every comment that mentions you, comment on all of my pictures, or frequently confuse the words “diary” and “Facebook”, do a lot less.  On the other hand, if you’re an every-five-seconds-type tweeter, I have the simple and rewarding pleasure of the “unfollow” button at my disposal.  In order to maintain a halfway reasonable ratio (for all non-tweeters, the ratio of followed to followers should be around 1:1), chances are good you’ll unfollow back, which serves as the perfect disconnect because I didn’t want you to see the pure gold I tweet anyway.

In conclusion (the ranting nature of this post is due to the bitterness I felt last night while my roommates and the 12 other people in my house went to the bar, leaving me fake-less and pissed off at haters), twitter wins.  Mobile tweets and uploading twitpics are significantly more ‘cac-like than sitting around on your computer all day like a weirdo commenting facebooks.  Go to the beach. At the very least, find a pool or a significant other to spend your summer with.  Tweet on the go.  Ignore females. Acquire Curren$y.  Church.

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