‘Cacswag: female edition

If you missed mcshaq’s post on ‘Cacswag you should probably read that right now. It’s a prerequisite for this post, and also life. With that said, I think it’s also important that the ladies get their ‘Cacswag on. So listen up.

My personal style tends towards “Massachusetts public high school,” but I also dabble heavily in Reny’s. I grew up thinking a “sample sale” was when they gave out cheese at Stop and Shop (still do). I hate to let anything go to waste–if it still smells like Hollister, I’m wearing it! However, because that shit has a 20 year half life I’m often stuck all middle-classed up with nowhere to trespass. Not to worry. I have a solution for all unsightly seagull, moose, and bulldog problems.

Simply TURN THE POLO SHIRT INSIDE OUT and slap a polo player on that skankrag. Or, even better, use a pricier garment like a sweatshirt. This way nobody will know that you are selling your Beanie Babies on eBay to pay tuition. Watch and learn:

The first thing you'll need is a skinny Sharpie like THIS

Second, a purchase you thought was cool in the days that you thought Vineyard Vines was a type of licorice.

Something to copy...

And moderate hand-eye coordination.

Voila! But pay attention ladies. IF you are still wearing Weathervane, this trick does not apply. Just tell people it’s vintage, works every time…

Now for accessories. Only an asshole is going to invest in an expensive timepiece. You don’t need one, THAT’S WHAT THE RAZOR PHONE IS FOR. However, if you start to feel pressure to conform–and you will feel pressure to conform–opt for a cheap alternative. I like this one from the Party on Fountain video:


Last but not least, buy ONE bottle of Fiji water. Refill it from the tap for the rest of your life.

Take away lesson: the high-low look is IN, and if you already own the low you can fake the high. If you don’t actually own clothes, you’re ok #inthecac for 3/7 of the week! #winning. Now put on a pleasant expression to offset your swag, my personal choice: “stay the hell away I have gonorrhea.”

I just accidentally google-imaged gonorrhea whilst looking for this face

…So, hypothetically speaking, IF I was going to update my ‘Cac swag for fall, here’s what we’re going with:

These leopard print brogues from TopShop

If you’re preppier than thou or you find leopard print just plain offensive, Opening Ceremony has a new collection of Soludos.

I recently discovered Nixon watches. This one’s called The Kensington Leather:

For the longest time I resisted American Apparel because I thought their stuff was overpriced, but with debt default looming I figure I should support American business. #firstworldproblems

Sleeveless crop top betches, because the crop top wasn’t already showing enough skin…

And lastly, a sweater for those rare Maine cold days. This one is Jack Wills. Apparently, in Mother England “cable jumper” does not mean that crazy guy at Niagara Falls…who knew.

That’s all.

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