Keep your panties on

Somewhere in the midwest a sheriff gently weeps

KSPR reports that 3,000 pairs of panties were found strewn along the road in Fairfield County…Ohio. So yeah, not ‘Cac, but I can’t help thinking that this should be a warning to the ‘Cac: keep your panties on or we will be headed down this path. And it is a slippery slope let me tell you.

In elementary school I was always baffled when someone’s undies showed up in the lost-and-found. Like what, did you go to town with your “clothing kit” at recess? Um Britney, that kit is for if you pee your pants. And you will pee your pants at some point this year and then what are you going to do?

In college the possibilities for losing your panties increase.

There’s inspiring Orgo lectures to knock them off, there’s raids on your gym locker, not to mention inattentive laundry room behavior. I’m a big believer that the panties make the woman, and right now 3,000 Ohio women are having a severe identity crisis. Recently, one of my Profs exposed that I don’t know the definition of Liberal Arts. Had I not had undies on at that moment I would probably be wandering around Topsham right now babbling about community college.

Obviously I’m also entertaining the scenario that an underwear kleptomaniac has just had the most liberating experience of his/her life–in which case, rock on.

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