Things to say when you drop your tray


Sometimes it’s a dare, sometimes it’s an accident. Always there is a freshmen girl with a Longchamp front row center with that oddly innocent look of disgust that only freshmen girls know how to make.

Yeah you can swear and run out…but it’s been done.

Why not take the more eloquent tack? Look her right in her sneering face and bellow one of these appropriate lines from history’s great thinkers:

“Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.”
Ernest Hemingway

“A man of genius has a right to any mode of expression.”
Ezra Pound

“A corpse is meat gone bad. Well and what’s cheese? Corpse of milk.”
James Joyce

“Death is not the worst that can happen to men.”
Plato

“Always take hold of things by the smooth handle.”
Thomas Jefferson

“Applause waits on success.”
Benjamin Franklin

“I am enough of an artist to draw freely upon my imagination.”
Albert Einstein

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