As many of you have probably read, France is banning ketchup to preserve French culture. Here’s a list of things that should be banned from the ‘Cac with similar intent. In no particular order…
1. (neck) Lanyards
Why are you wearing that? Yes, there is a 70% chance you will lose your ID card on any given day, but there is a 100% chance your swag will disappear like Criss Angel running to the water the second you don one of these. Your card should be slowly wearing a square into the back pocket of your jeans or tucked in under the cover of your smart device…so don’t wear it around your neck like you’re techie chattel. Please.
Ok, granted the only evidence I have of their presence #inthecac is a blurry twitter shot, but frankly that’s enough to elevate my level of concern to great heights. This pisspoor excuse for a unicycle is wrong and we won’t stand for it! (And on that note, only one crazy unicycle trickster per ‘Cac campus. Can’t have y’all colliding on the library steps.)
You want to know who the hot incoming freshmen are? Go sit in a pine tree outside a frat or social house with some binocs on a Saturday night. Better yet, stand at the door and caress hands (draw X’s?) Furthermore, if the only person you can think to ask “where to get a good fake” is the internet, then you probably don’t need a fake after all and should just keep abiding by the law and such.
4. Clogs and Crocs
There are some people that pull them off well, but at a certain point you need to realize that having cold, wet heels is not way to live your life. Invest in some Bean boots, or silicone shoes that don’t resemble Swiss cheese (hint: they don’t make those) and remember–we won’t tell you what socks to wear, but we will judge you for your choices.
5. This is a personal preference but…
6. Shirts with sassy sayings
Shirts with sassy saying seriously squash any sort of sex you might score. Sloppy.
7. Some backpacks
Some backpacks are really offensive to me. Primarily the overstuffed type with too many pockets and maybe a Nalgene swinging off the side.
Come on now, be judicious. You’re not going to use all of those textbooks. What you are going to do is swipe the hell out of somebody’s tray when you’re getting your yogurt at lunch, because your monstrous backpack is now permanently welded to your shoulders and you forgot about that casual extra 30 pounds you were carrying around.
I’m sure I’m forgetting something huge like conflict or something. That is why we have a comment section…