However, I am going to start free printings of the “Asshole Disclosure Card,” a device which I conceived of sophomore year.
I think that BOTH ladies and gents in the ‘Cac can agree that hooking up with a self-professed asshole is always preferable to being blindsided by someone in a “nice person” disguise.
Seriously, take off the mask, you’re going to get some anyway…we just want to know what we’re getting into.
That’s why I invented the “Asshole Disclosure Card.” You can fit a whole stack inside your phone cover with your student ID and fake…because you never know when you will need one. Prior to hooking up, simply present your partner with a card to fill out. Make sure you are clear that the hookup is going to happen no matter which box they check, and that the card is merely for contextual purposes.
BOOM. DONE. You’ll never have to wonder again…
I will also be printing the “Fear of Commitment” card. Again, this is for guys AND girls alike so don’t be tripping…
These are actually great for men who are vertically challenged, but will inevitably be making assloads of money in an entry level investment job.
Here’s the front:
Aaaaaand here’s the back:
On that note, Brendan needs a girlfriend y’all. E-mail firstname.lastname@example.org to apply.