If Gossip Girl was a Soccer Mom…

Remember in 3rd grade when you got in trouble for calling someone a poopyface and your mom gave you the (arguably) dumbest bit of advice parents give, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” Essentially Dabbut.com, the wannabe College ACB upstart from Tufts University, does just that. This horribly confusing new deposit of social media takes all we loved abut College ACB and strips it down to one word adjectives to describe people.

Upon logging in to my profile Dabbut (pronounced DA-BUTT or Dah-Boo if you’re French) creepily connected to my Facebook, and made my profile picture my new default. 1) Don’t do that; leave my awkcrop for my ever-changing Facebook profile. 2) Have a higher resolution because I don’t wanna look awkward and blurry. Then a list of “groups” or words people has said about me pop up.

So apparently, Jumbos on Dabbut can only say two sorts of general things about me (SEE FIGURE 1). Two rather unrelated and monumentally unextraordinary things. I was hoping for something more scathing. Like Jay Dodd: super gay slore, or top sophgay at tufts. Even something mildly true, like blackouts on the reg, or hookups with girls when SuperD. But no, I get super obvious asinine things.

There is no pleasure in pointing out the super obvious, consider shows that ‘Cac girls and gays hate to love and love to hate: Gossip Girl and Pretty Little Liars. It the deep dark, or unspoken truths that get people going. If you want to stay around Dabbut, you must get some juice in your step. This one word sweet one word nonsense is gonna be take the Hill by storm. Cyber bullying aside, students have used spaces like CollegeACB to get out their trivial aggressions about their classmates and gives people with no lives time a space to troll. It has very little weight in actual social space for two reasons. 1) Its sorta shameful to fully disclose you follow online gossip, 2) If you aren’t on it you are depressed no one seems to care. Why have a nice wholesome version when people know already know all the nice things about each other? I wanna hear that Sarah Northfaceberg passed out in basement of the Rubix Cube party or that Josh Von Frat was arrested for puking on a cop car on ProRow. Like things that actually make you create false judgments of people you don’t know. I don’t want to see Anita IRMajorez is a bookworm or Jay Dodd is goes to Tufts. Literally, no one cares. Except maybe my grandma in TX who just got on Facebook.

Also change your name; Dabbut is the most random bad name for site. To conclude I offer you a list of horrible puns in relation to Dabbut.com:

Does it hurt in Dabbut.com?

She’s a pain in Dabbut.com

Last night we tried it in Dabbut.com.


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